Spare a thought for Gall Bag, an ordinary working Orc attempting to balance corporate life, a newborn and a recently imposed “zero hours of sleep” contract.
In an Instagram sketch by comedian Josh Berry, Gall Bag explains that he joined “Sauron Inc.” eight years ago after spotting a graduate job on LinkedIn. The company may have a “bad rep”, he concedes, but the benefits include a canteen and, after 40 years of service, the chance to “have a go with The Ring”.
Sauron Inc. is, of course, a fictional company, and any resemblance to Palantir (the data analytics business named after the all-seeing stones in The Lord of the Rings) is allegedly coincidental, interpretive and entirely in the eye of the beholder. Or possibly the enormous flaming eye positioned in the middle of the office.
Business is booming thanks to AI, although Gall Bag admits that Sauron can be “a bit of a micromanager”.
“He’s got eyes on everything,” the Orc explains, before correcting himself: “One eye, actually.”
Employee performance is reportedly strong. This may be partly because staff who miss their targets risk being thrown into the eternal fires. Gall Bag describes this policy as “a little bit scary”, although presumably it also reduces the headcount for quarterly performance reviews.
In common with recent statements by tech founders (such as Greg Jackson, Bolt CEO Ryan Breslow, and Pavel Durov) Sauron Inc has no HR department, which Gall Bag says makes the operation “more economically streamlined”.
This is allegedly not a reference to any particular Silicon Valley management philosophy, defence contractor or company whose software may be used to observe large numbers of people simultaneously, of course.
The interview ends abruptly when Gall Bag realises he has exceeded his lunch break by six minutes.
It is unclear whether he was subsequently disciplined, incinerated or asked to update his LinkedIn profile to “Open to Work”.
